During the pandemic lockdown, myself and Mr. Dove would regularly pick things up from Costco for our more-at-risk parents, and, for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, this meant I came to have in my possession a pack of medium men's undershirts, black, abandoned by my mother.

They're "men's" in that they have a crew neck. I'm not sure if there are any other differences - maybe the shoulder seam is further out, maybe the side seam is more straight, maybe the sleeve is looser, the armscye bigger.

But whatever the minute differences, the way they make me feel when I see myself in the mirror is honestly pretty jarring, like, oh BOY, that person is wearing a MAN'S SHIRT!!! Trying to look like a MAN!!! in a way that, say, wearing Mr. Dove's button-downs or sweaters does not trigger. This is a men's cut but it's my size, not an overlarge "boyfriend sweater" that looks borrowed.

It feels weird but...kind of exciting? Like, oh, hey, butching up on purpose might be...fun???

As a very tall girl-child, I often struggled with not feeling feminine enough all through my puberty years; if I looked masculine it was always unintentional and unwanted. All of my most beloved outfit splurges are on extremely feminine stuff: a Ren Faire corset & tapestry dress, a bright red 1850s London corset dress, a slinky bejeweled backless dress that was the first time I ever put down more than $100 on a clothing item (I just wanted to go the ball at Fanime and I wanted to show of my Riza Hawkeye temporary tattoo, hence, backless dress), and most recently an absurdly expensive over-embroidered Johnny Was dress to support my friend in front of her snobby over-dressed in-laws. I love being feminine. Masculine is usually my fail state. BUT. Maybe if I do it on purpose, it doesn't have to be?

I have started going to swing dance lessons on Mondays and Fridays (West Coast on Mondays, East Coast on Fridays) and the East Coast class is usually lacking leads, so I've been learning to dance the lead role. Then there's a dance "party" afterwards where anyone can ask anyone else to dance, and because I'm a woman, male leads ask me to dance on the assumption that I'm a follow. So at least once I experimented with intentionally butching up a little for Friday's class - pants, button-down over my black crew-neck, "man bun" hairstyle. It ended up being for naught because they were lacking follows that night and I switched roles again to compensate, but...I think I should do it again.

"Gender sprinkles", as they say.

I would love to hear any musings you have to offer on butchness, reclaiming masculinity, or your own small moments of unexpected gender expression, whatever those may be!

here are some things I enjoyed this week:

I've been slowly adding things to a private post for a few days, and just updated the date and made the post public. Is there a better way to make drafts?

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THE AO3 RANDOM WORK BUTTON

After discovering that Dreamwidth does in fact allow image uploads (Create > Upload Images) I am following through on my threat to finally make an art post.

I probably won't be doing too much more art for the next week or two as I desperately try to finish my various exchange assignments (made it to the end of chapter 1 for the Merthur fic on Sunday!!!) but when I've reached a satisfactory place with those I'll do a post about all my MDZS Big Bang art.

I think palette memes are a really great way to push myself to grapple with color theory, a subject I still do not feel I really grasp on anything more than a surface level despite having an entire art degree. Even when I apply the palette in an utterly pedestrian way ("the darkest color shall represent black!") I still end up with a result that makes me feel like I can make Cool Things.

This would be a great place to share your favorite art meme, prompt meme post, or favorite palette!