I don't really want to read about people whose bodies are as difficult as mine, but I get the uncanny valley feeling or feel like I'm producing a fetishising fantasy if I write women whose bodies are Just Way More Fun than mine.

Oh my god, this, SO MUCH. Because the universe hates me, even though it's highly statistically improbable given what I've read, the women I've slept with were both able to come multiple times – from penetration, no less! – so not only do I have an inferiority complex about fanfic, I also have one from real life. SIGH.

I'm still far more likely to write about sex with a woman where the narrative focus is on 'how it feels to make love to this woman' rather than 'how it feels to have sex as a woman'.

I struggle with this too. Writing more little drabbles where I can zero in on a single feeling is helpful.